You ought to buy a mastadon skeleton.

Is there a mastadon skeleton missing from your life? Do something about that.

The poll today.

Does it make anyone else uncomfortable when an episode of "The Simpsons" takes place in the future and the children's bodies are all distorted and it just doesn't feel right?

The straight "dope" about heroin

What are the facts about heroin? Not a lot is known because no one you know has ever done it. The only information out there is what is in movies and on television. For instance, heroin is sometimes called "the stuff." The amount you do is directly proportional to the amount of dirty laundry on the floor of your house.

If I were on heroin, I would not want people interrupting me by saying things like "damn this is some good stuff" or "are you going to go to the club tonight?" I would say, "I paid a lot for this heroin and the nice feeling only lasts for a half an hour* and I don't want you ruining it by saying things to me."


*maybe?

Thunderstorms: scary or exciting?

Are thunderstorms exciting or scary?

There is a correct answer to this! Here it is:

• Thunder: 40% scary, 60% exciting
• Lightning (and you are indoors): 65% scary, 35% exciting
• Lightning (and you are not so lucky this time): 84% scary, 16% exciting
• Tornado spotted in the sky by a meteorologist: 52% scary, 48% exciting
• Tornado spotted in the sky by you: 88% scary, 12% exciting
• Hurricaines: (This is not my territory? Probably very scary)
• Getting to go down to the basement with a little transistor radio: 6% scary, 94% exciting
• Power goes out: 0% scary, 100% exciting, but are you in an iron lung?
• Flood warning: 20% scary, 3% exciting, 77% boring
• Your basement is now flooded: 6% boring, 94% dumb