Dear Actually Home,
I'm a shy person, that's just who I am. But I find that in order to be a modern man, like be on the Internet, it's necessary to post one's photographic likeness and that's something I'm too ashamed to do. Should I just forget about being modern because I don't see an alternative here.
Anonymous Man with Reddish Brown Hair
Dear Anonymous Man with Reddish Brown Hair,
I'm sorry to hear about your affliction. Did you know that you are not the only one who has it? In fact I have a feeling that most people reading this RIGHT NOW feel exactly the same way that you do.
I've made you a gift. It is a simulation of you, so you have something to post on the Internet without being ashamed. In it you are wearing comically oversized sunglasses so your friends will be too busy smiling to notice that you are shy.